Deck the Lawn with Halloween Splendor

Most people I know tend to spend the better part of the year attempting to avoid being branded as the neighborhood lawn deviants.

You know who you are. The July Leaf Raker… The Snowstorm Yard Mower… The Guy Who Owns a Snowblower, Riding Lawn Mower and a Tree Trimmer Despite the Fact he Lives in a Condo Community in Georgia…

The principle of keeping one’s yard in equal or better condition than the neighbor’s yard was as much a part of my Midwestern upbringing as cheering fanatically for high school football or going to Applebee’s for dinner before prom.

But in October, the yard superiority challenge does a 180…

In October, a puzzling idea enters the psyche of otherwise ordinary Midwesterners. Maybe it’s the whisper of cool air on the back of the neck. Maybe it’s the crunch of fallen leaves. Maybe it’s the featured latte at the local coffee shop. No matter what it is, a reasonable percentage of the citizens of the US of A feel a sudden urge to decorate.

Not just decorate, mind you. More like transform a once classically-groomed lawn into something akin to a necropolis (filled with happily smiling pumpkins, of course).

The prevalence of Halloween yard décor is second only to that designed to celebrate Santa Claus' arrival. But it isn’t the popularity of Halloween decorations that makes the phenomenon blog-worthy; it’s the sheer ingenuity and vigor of Halloween aficionados.

Along the winding 17 mile path through suburbia that I take to visit my parents, I’ve noticed that the number of yards that are decorated for Halloween has been steadily increasing. Even more interesting are the vast majority of the homes that feature some sort of Halloween theme. The most popular themes tend to be graveyards/cemeteries, pumpkin patches or some sort of haunted house (this option usually involves the homeowner jumping from behind a tree dressed like a villain of the horror film genre).

Given that Halloween is breaking all the rules of a well-groomed lawn, it only seems appropriate that it would also break the rules of respectability.

For instance, on March 10, when assessing the damage that winter has inflicted upon his yard, a homeowner notices that an opossum has had the audacity to curl up and pass away in the middle of the rhododendrons. Appropriate and immediate action is taken to remove the offending rodent as its presence violates the code of the tidy lawn.

However, on October 10 (when most fine retailers begin to capitalize on the upcoming holiday), that same homeowner shares a Saturday afternoon with his family; an afternoon that involves strategically placing Styrofoam gravestones, rubber body parts and stuffed rabid-looking animals (ironically resembling the discarded opossum) about the yard.

It’s not exactly clear what about October encourages well-meaning folks to turn their manicured lawn into a set for a B-grade horror movie and encourage children to accept candy from middle-aged husbands hiding in the bushes with toy chainsaws. No matter the reason for the October peculiarity, every year, November 1 dawns cheerfully over the once-festive October debris. And the clean up begins…