Reality killed the TV star (or: why Seacrest is to blame for all the world’s problems)

I used to like TV. Like when Sesame Street and Wishbone still got top billing in my parents’ household. Yeah, that was a long time ago…

To be honest, I didn’t watch that much TV as a kid. For example, I had to Wikipedia ThunderCats last week so I could appropriately entertain via an email chain. My 80s TV knowledge is baaaad, guys. I’ll be the first to admit it.

When college rolled around, I received freedom to do whatever I wanted (whenever I wanted) and a 9 inch idiot box of my own (complete with a built-in VHS). In short order, my afternoons and evenings quickly dissolved into a fizzy peach haze of cheap booze and anything I could find to watch on television.

As with most of my keen interests, the gusto with which I approached the television set eventually faded and I found more interesting things to do (blogging, working for a living, making art out of trash, etc.).

But last weekend I came down with a mysterious case of the anti-social flu* and found myself in front of the TV again. Had I the intellect of a nine year old or the refinement of Larry the Cable Guy, I probably would have been fine. Given that potty humor isn’t exactly my cup ‘o tea, my attempt to park myself in front of the TV for the afternoon ended with little more than a tirade and snugs time with my old friend, Netflix.

Okay, the weekend is over. It’s Tuesday, come on**!

Alright, I’ll let this one go in a minute. But not before I do this:

Top 5 Reasons Why Television is No Longer Fun
American Idol:
Maybe it’s Seacrest. Maybe it’s Randy Jackson (dawg). Or maybe it’s that American Idol is just stupid***.

Dancing With The Stars:
I mean, come on – seriously? Did anyone really want to see Kate Gosselein ever again? Weren’t we all happy with our little fantasy that she joined a reality series based on the show LOST and ended up sacrificed to the others?

Grey’s Anatomy:
I love medical dramas. Not dramas with medicine. I love House. Not Grey’s Anatomy.

LOST:
Dear ABC,
Please take this show off the air before I angrily drive all of my LOST-loving friends away.

Love, B.

FOX News:
Does anyone really need to explain why?

*Symptoms include: fever, chills, not answering phone when friends call, disinterest in leaving house, etc.
**You have Friends reruns to look forward to!
***If I get fired tomorrow, I know JK is reading this blog.