After spending the better part of last week in the cold and flu section of my least favorite retail venues (side note: the Kleenex in the sparkly boxes are NOT higher quality) or bemoaning my inauspicious condition to my oh-so-patient coworkers, I felt that a weekend involving one of my favorite therapies was in order.
Armed with a half dose of DayQuil, my recently-cashed paycheck, and a pile of savings passes from generous (albeit desperate) retailers, I hit the shopping mall.
A few hours later, I emerged with another sweater dress, candles to transform my house into an evergreen forest and a satisfied feeling of self-restraint. Not that I wasn’t prepared to single-handedly stimulate the economy in a post-infirmity shopping frenzy. At the risk of sounding inarticulate or trite, I just couldn’t find anything that worked for me.
My issue is that the fashion industry operates under the principle that anyone who can be classified as ‘petite’ also fancies pants with elastic waistbands and sweatshirts with pictures of cats appliquéd to the chest. Being 5’2 and never being one to simply accept dreadful fashion options simply because they are available, I prefer to stick to my own fashion rules and keep elastic out of my closet.
My fashion tip is simple but (as I would say about all of my advice) invaluable. The best guidance I can offer my readers is to be self aware. How trite, I know. Self-awareness, much like self-actualization is one of those states that you achieve almost by accident. However, reaching a state of self-awareness is key to developing a flattering wardrobe.
How do I know this? I learned the hard way…
Exhibit A: Photograph, circa 1994.
Armed with a half dose of DayQuil, my recently-cashed paycheck, and a pile of savings passes from generous (albeit desperate) retailers, I hit the shopping mall.
A few hours later, I emerged with another sweater dress, candles to transform my house into an evergreen forest and a satisfied feeling of self-restraint. Not that I wasn’t prepared to single-handedly stimulate the economy in a post-infirmity shopping frenzy. At the risk of sounding inarticulate or trite, I just couldn’t find anything that worked for me.
My issue is that the fashion industry operates under the principle that anyone who can be classified as ‘petite’ also fancies pants with elastic waistbands and sweatshirts with pictures of cats appliquéd to the chest. Being 5’2 and never being one to simply accept dreadful fashion options simply because they are available, I prefer to stick to my own fashion rules and keep elastic out of my closet.
My fashion tip is simple but (as I would say about all of my advice) invaluable. The best guidance I can offer my readers is to be self aware. How trite, I know. Self-awareness, much like self-actualization is one of those states that you achieve almost by accident. However, reaching a state of self-awareness is key to developing a flattering wardrobe.
How do I know this? I learned the hard way…
Exhibit A: Photograph, circa 1994.
My mother asked (nay, begged) me not to wear the cream and navy topped getup. But given my teenage insurgence to all maternal suggestions, I dismissed her helpful pleas as quickly as prepubescent boys surely dismissed me in my large wire frames and grin that prompted the orthodontic intervention of 1995.
What masochistic part of my snarky heart possessed me to post a picture like that? As painful as it is to admit that the photograph belonged to an 80 lb. 13-year old version of myself, the lesson in self-awareness that it taught me is invaluable.
Self-awareness will never allow you to leave your house wearing the latest trend that looked amazing on Kate Moss but doesn’t quite fit your double Ds. It will prevent you from wearing skinny jeans without fully analyzing their effect on your body. It will give pause before allowing you to proceed with the unfortunate booties on your feet.
Looking to hone your self-awareness? Look no further than a full-length mirror.
What masochistic part of my snarky heart possessed me to post a picture like that? As painful as it is to admit that the photograph belonged to an 80 lb. 13-year old version of myself, the lesson in self-awareness that it taught me is invaluable.
Self-awareness will never allow you to leave your house wearing the latest trend that looked amazing on Kate Moss but doesn’t quite fit your double Ds. It will prevent you from wearing skinny jeans without fully analyzing their effect on your body. It will give pause before allowing you to proceed with the unfortunate booties on your feet.
Looking to hone your self-awareness? Look no further than a full-length mirror.
5 comments:
Who's the impostor from 1994?
hahahahahahaha that picture is hysterical!!! and i'm so glad you didn't mention anything about crocs...b/c god knows hippies heart their mary jane crocs! :)
p.s. my word verification is "stripper" - coincidence when blogging about fashion police?
sorry i have to post again - "the orthodonic intervention of 1995" that made me laugh so hard outloud i almost cried thinking about my own metalmouth. too bad my intervention lasted from 1994-1999.
Dudette - I copied & pasted that pic onto my computer - Never, EVER, EVER want to forget that one.
Now, a few things - 1) only you would get abducted via the bus stop - you ooze niceness my friend (be a meanie once in a while) and 2) forget your own advice for a sec and DO wear that reindeer jumper ala Bridget & Mark Darcy - you'll be a) the talk of the town, b) kidnap material free [can you see anyone kidnapping you with that LOUD outfit?, and c) it'll make my day cause that cream & navy top just has to have a partner in the back closet!!!!
I think I may have that photo in my closet at my parents...or at least one from around there!
Hi, Becca.
Post a Comment