Buyer Beware: There is a spy in our midst...

A four-day vacation means three things. One, I clean everything in my house (see my hand, shoulder, and thigh for the kitty scratches resulting from an ill-attempted cat bath). Two, I become starved for company so I run up my phone bill. And three, I catch a few hours of daytime TV.

Daytime TV makes me grateful for everything that I normally have going on during the day – a steady job, coworkers to bother, etc., etc. – but I can’t seem to avoid being taken in by infomercials that seem to run persistently between the hours of 11:00 am (the moment The View starts is coincidentally the moment my head chooses to explode) and 4:00 pm (the Oprah hour).

On Thursday afternoon, as I sipped jasmine tea, mulled over my plans for 2009, and congratulated myself for not being hung over, I found myself in the midst of this advertisement (click on image for link to video (yes, you MUST watch the video (no, it's not that long))):

I’ll say it for you: ‘What the eff is this thing?'

Well guys, it's sonic hearing (duh), just what every girl wants. I adore the fact that for a mere $19.95 (not including shipping), I too, can hone my skills as a stalker/that creepy person that knows what everyone is saying. (Side note: if you can tell me what movie that picture is from and it's significance, you can be my best friend for a week).

Even more entertaining than the concept itself is the positioning of the concept. Knowing a little bit about positioning and launching new products, the sheer awkwardness around the product benefit is what makes me giggle. Obviously the primary benefit is better, I mean sonic hearing. But the secondary and tertiary benefits are what make the ad memorable (in a sense).

Sure, I'd LOVE to be able to hear the doorbell from my garden (yes, I plan someday to have a doorbell and not kill my garden). I'd love to be able to stand in a bar and not have to yell 'what?' more than three times (I am THAT girl). I'm sure the product would have countless benefits, especially if I were, say, seventy years old.

The first problem with the thing is that by donning the device, one instantly transforms into one of those tools with a Bluetooth. I don't care if its a Spytooth or whatever else you want to call it. There's no argument with me - if you put a piece of plastic like that in your ear, I will make fun of you.

The other problem is that a key benefit of having a Silversonic is that you "might even hear things that will pleasantly surprise you!" The example, of course, is a pair of women giving another women the once over and commenting on her "amazing" body. C'mon, seriously? What if the opposite were true (a much more likely scenario when considering the general cattiness of women)? What if a woman was walking along the beach and heard "wow, she's brave to be sporting those cottage cheese thighs in that G-string!" Would the Silversonic be her friend then?

I don't know about you but I'm saving my $20 for some Mighty Putty.