There she is... Miss America!

Does anyone remember when the Miss America pageant used to be kind of cool (shoutout to my Lancaster Elementary compatriots)? It was back when tightrolled pants, scrunchies, and Saved by the Bell also got top billing.

So it would seem that this tiny (albeit vaguely unappetizing) slice of the early 90s has returned in the form of Mario Lopez’s resurrected career.

Frankly, there’s no one else to blame except for TLC. Yes, the same network that brings the joy of Stacy London and Clinton Kelly into my living room every Friday and warms my heart when I think about the Roloff family during pumpkin season. Laying blame upon what I see as acceptable reality television is difficult for me but I can’t come up with an excuse for The Learning Channel this time (like I could when I saw the previews for Toddlers & Tiaras).

I’m not exactly sure of the sway that Miss America held over my pre-teen self. But somehow between Regis and Kathie Lee giving up on singing the catchy Miss America theme song, realizing I was too sarcastic to be a beauty queen, and Donald Trump deciding to enter the pageant business, the Miss America pageant took a less revered position in my fickle teenage mind.

I don’t think I was alone in deserting Miss America, leaving her to wallow among redneck pageant mothers and Internet predators. In fact, I thought that the show was all but over until I saw a preview (accompanied by a second-by-second countdown) on TLC and realized that A.C. Slater is, in fact, using Dancing with the Stars as a springboard back into Hollywood (is anyone else sad that he doesn't say 'Preppy' anymore?).

Due to the pageant being on a Saturday night, the ubiquitous presence of my social life, and a keen inability to operate a DVR, I didn't get a chance to watch the invigorated, hairspray-fueled spectacle. Not that I didn’t spend 3-5 minutes Wikipedia-ing the results on Sunday morning only to find out that a fellow Hoosier managed to win the thing.

Take that, all of you who make fun of my Indiana roots. (Sticks out tongue)