Heart Attack Alert: Compliments of Dominos Pizza

I haven't eaten Dominos Pizza since second grade when my neighbor, Misty, told me that their pizza had bugs on it. I later learned that Misty may or may not have been the most truthful person in the world but she still kept me from consuming the third rate pizza brand for over 20 years.

In a way, Misty might have saved me from a life of solitary obesity (where I am featured on TLC and am transported via forklift to interviews). Given that Dominos is now advertising this explosion of cheese and carbs, I think I'm better off to have avoided said restaurant for two decades.



My arteries hardened just looking at this.